Friday, July 16, 2010

“People up north don’t trust anyone who doesn’t eat meat. And frankly, I find soy stupid.”

If you've been reading for a while now, you may have noticed I'm just a little bit of a SF Giants fan! My kids and I absolutely love baseball, so I'm always using veggie players as examples that yes, you can hit a home run without meat! 

Prince Fielder currently plays for the Milwaukee Brewers (boooooooo!!) I'm pretty sure he's vegan, but most websites will say vegetarian. Anyhoo, the Giants are looking at bringing him to our side, so I was googling to see if my memory was correct and if he's in fact a freaky vegan like the rest of us. 

This is what I found: 

Among 3, 750 other entertaining headlines. But this one - this one I HAD to share, because it's just so damn-roll-on-the-floor-laugh-your-vegan-butt-off funny!
All Star Game

Prince Fielder’s success at the ballpark is so sought after, the Brewers are willing to do anything they can to retain him, including giving him a salary increase at the expense of the residents in Wisconsin, according toOnMilwaukee.

A vegetarian tax is being proposed, with a 5% charge on such items.
But Republican representative Scott Newcomer is certain the pinch will hardly be felt by those that eat the food.

“These vegetarians are wired a little differently. Most of them live on the East Side and they wear funky T-shirts and beat up old sandals, but you know they have money.”

“You have to be affluent to be a vegetarian. They pay extra for organic produce and free-range bean curd. I don’t even think they’ll notice the extra charge.”

With Fielder’s success on the field, you’d think more people would be encouraging vegetarianism as they see not only is the diet tasty, but can physically support the endeavors of a major league baseball player.

But some people are apparently worried about their cows.

Jeffrey Mursau, a Republican from Crivitz, said, “This is a no-brainer for me, given that there are a lot of cattle and dairy farms in my district,” he said. “People up north don’t trust anyone who doesn’t eat meat. And frankly, I find soy stupid.”

“I think this tax is a great idea because real Brewers fans eat bratwurst. They don’t want expensive tofu dogs that taste like cardboard.”


So I'm reading this, thinking WTF?!?! Seriously?! And I'm looking at the website, and nope, it's not The Onion or the Enquirer, so WHAT IS GOING ON??! Okay, so maybe I'm a little yuppie, haven't traveled outside of California much, my FaceBook 'about me' says "semi-crazy vegan liberal recycling composting mom who truly believes that humanity and compassion can save the world", and no, I don't think I ever have met anyone from Wisconsin, I know they're all about their cheese there, but really, a veggie tax? Who are these Republicans? Maybe we need a constitutional amendment that one can not be taxed due to their race, creed, religion, sexual indiscretions, or veganism? And as I start thinking 'holy (or is it wholly? wholie?) crap, it's like Nazi Germany all over again, we're gonna have to wear arm bands and be branded with a giant V on our foreheads, I catch this at the bottom of the page: 

"One final April Fool’s story to add to the day’s mix."


1 comment:

  1. Hey Sarah - I'm a vegan and I live in Milwaukee! Go Prince!! :-) I can't believe those comments - totally silly! We actually have a pretty decent amount of veg restaurants and events around here. I guess they interviewed the wrong people! Love your blog!